Sayonara no Koto
by FurFurKanga
Summary: Part 1 of the White Album series: "If you let me, I can love you the way you wish Honoka does."


A/N: Belated Merry Christmas and an early Happy New Year!

This one-shot was inspired by two events: a friend who had been ignoring me for the last year and half finally reached out to me and coming to hear this song (one-shot title) from White Album 2 on a randomized playlist. The explanation my friend gave for her distance and White Album 2 had a common theme. An idea was born and Caged Bird refused to write itself as this was constantly on my mind. So, to those who were looking forward to a December update in early January: please accept this one-shot as my apologies instead.

I went for a different writing style this time around: simpler words and snippets of scenes. In other words, line breaks galore!

Comments and criticisms highly welcomed. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

 **Sayonara no Koto**

"Honoka-chan! There's something I want to tell you." Kotori fidgeted. She finally brought up the courage to confess her feelings.

"Me too, Kotori-chan!" Honoka's smile was wider than the taupe-haired girl had ever seen as her childhood friend glomped her, "Tsubasa-chan and I are finally going out!"

Kotori froze. Her breath hitched. The confession died at her throat instead replaced with a word she would have preferred not to say. "Congratulations..."

"Kotori?"

The taupe-haired girl smiled at Honoka. She would not cry. She would _not_ cry. Not _now_.

"What was it you wanted to say?"

"Ah! Maki-chan told me to inform you we're holding the Christmas party at her villa this year."

"Thanks! I wonder if Maki-chan would be okay if I invited A-Rise along... Oh! There she is! I'm gonna ask her now!" A quick pat on the back and she's off, getting a running start to glomp her next victim which ended with them tumbling down in a heap.

"Honoka!"

* * *

Kotori breathed out and watched as the vapour whiten in the cold air and rise up into the night sky. She felt something warm press against her cheek and instinctively turned her head to see a mug and the person who was holding it.

"Thank you." She took the offered mug and peered inside: rich brown liquid with steam rising up from it - not too dissimilar from her own exhales. The mug felt nice in her cold hands.

"Hot chocolate. Eri recommended it." Her companion took a seat beside her on the bench and raise the cup for a sip. The taupe-haired girl copy the movements and winced when she tasted the alcohol on her tongue. It earned a chuckle from the one beside her.

"Nozomi spiked it as a joke."

Kotori turned to look at the occupants of the villa. Sure enough, their faces were flushed. Honoka, Rin and Hanayo were on their feet singing along to a song that was playing on the television while the members of muse were cheering them on. Anju and Erena seemed to be the only ones sober, holding their leader back from jumping on Honoka like an overexcited fan. Kotori looked away.

"You should be inside."

"So should you."

A shrug. "You were here."

"I... just wanted to see the stars a bit. I'll be back inside soon."

"I'll wait."

A pause.

"You have that look again."

Kotori was genuinely confused, "What look?"

"The one where you want to tell Honoka something, but can't."

The taupe-haired girl shook her head. "It doesn't matter now."

Another pause.

"You like her, don't you?"

"Hehe, write one love song and you're an expert in love already?" She chided her friend.

"Don't need to. It's a look I see in the mirror every day."

Kotori's eyes widened. She turned to regard her friend, trying to see if this was some sort of a cruel joke. It wasn't. Her hands shook. It was suddenly all too much.

The mug between her hands was taken from her and placed securely on the bench. A small part of her mind commended her companion for her smart thinking. It would be difficult to explain to Maki why she broke the mug. As well as the reason she was outside and not with the others and -

Warm hands were covering her own. Stilling them. Her companion was kneeling in front of her.

"If you let me, I can love you the way you wish Honoka does."

Kotori looked at their joined hands, "I..."

The door slammed open with unceremoniously poor timing. "Kotori-chan! Umi-chan! Get in, we're opening presents!"

"We'll be there, Honoka."

Satisfied with the response, their childhood friend went back to her girlfriend's arms. Umi turned back towards Kotori and offered her hand, "Let's go."

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay with staying home alone over Christmas? You can still come with me to visit your grandparents; it's not too late to book a ticket."

"Okaa-san, I'll be fine! Besides, Umi-chan would be with me!"

"Okay. Take care, Kotori. Merry Christmas." Her mother brought her into a hug.

"Merry Christmas. Have a safe trip!" The taupe-haired girl waved until the taxi was out of sight. Then, she went about to preparing for the day: Umi-chan had a surprise for her!

* * *

"Umi-chan, are we there yet?"

"Soon. Just a ten more minutes."

"You said that the _last_ time I asked."

"It was true then too."

"How does that even work? At least five minutes have passed since I asked last time. Your answer should have been five."

"You slowed down your pace."

"Fine," Kotori pouted, "but what if we're not there in ten minutes?"

"We will be."

"But what _if_?"

"Then I'll carry you the rest of the way up."

"You promise?"

"Don't have to, because we're here."

Kotori did not know what 'here' means, it looked not much different from all the surroundings she saw as they hiked all the way up there: snow-covered tree, ground and all that.

Umi had already put down her bag and was searching through it. Kotori watched over her shoulder curiously as she took out two pairs of bladed boots. It was then that she realized the snow-covered ground she had mistook for earlier was actually a frozen _pond_.

"Is it safe?"

"Yes, I checked it when I found this the first time." Umi sat down on a fallen log and began changing her shoes. "Come on, Kotori." She patted the space beside her.

Kotori hesitated, "I've never skated before."

"It'll be fun. I promise you." A hand was offered to her again.

"And you'll carry me back down if it's not?"

"Yes, Kotori, I'll carry you."

True to her word, it was fun. There were a lot of bumps and bruises on the way, as with any other activity when one first begins. Umi still ended up carrying her back down though. Once Kotori had gotten the hang of it, she did not want to stop and hence was too tired to hike all the way back down when the sun was beginning to set.

* * *

"Come get your Christmas cake! Only ¥5000!"

Christmas cakes were sold at every bakery store throughout Japan. It was common to see a salesperson promoting the cakes in front of the shop. What caught Kotori's attention about this particular store, however, was the fact that their Christmas cake was a strawberry cheesecake.

"I'll take one, please."

"Thank you for your patronage!"

It took her a second to realize the customer was none other than Umi.

"Wait! Umi-chan!"

It was too late. The salesperson had already accepted the money and Umi was taking the cake.

"It's alright. I owe you a Christmas present."

"I can't accept it... It's too much."

"Not really, I'm going to have some too, aren't I? Because I don't think you can finish the cake on your own...?"

"Let's go home now!"

* * *

Five minutes till Christmas. Kotori couldn't be happier. Her tummy was full of that wonderful cheesecake and there was still some to spare for tomorrow. Morning that is. Not in five - no, four - minutes. Her metabolism isn't that efficient.

Eri, Nozomi and Maki were travelling. The rest were in Japan, but they were each celebrating the holiday in their own way: with family or on dates. So, it was only the two of them at Kotori's home.

The television was on even though no one was really watching it, but it was playing Christmas songs, so it helped with the overall mood.

Three minutes. They stood up and moved to the balcony. The fireworks was said to be spectacular this year.

Two minutes. A rustling noise could be heard from the adjacent house as the neighbours prepared to welcome the holiday.

One minute. The television had automatically switched to a live feed of the countdown in Akihabara.

"Five!"

"Four!"

"Three!"

"Two!"

"One!"

"Merry Christmas!"

The fireworks began. Umi turned to Kotori.

"Merry Christmas, Kotori."

"Merry Christmas, Umi-chan, and thank you."

Under the lights of the fireworks, the taupe-haired girl press her lips on her friend's cheek.

* * *

Kotori ended up going to France to study fashion. Muse was disbanded, so Honoka was not there to tell her to not go and Umi... Well, Umi was always supportive of her.

Adapting to a new culture can be overwhelming, so it was a relief to know that Erena and Anju were also pursuing further education in France.

Her phone buzzed. Kotori immediately checked it and smiled.

"Kotori, you've been looking at your phone a lot lately. Met someone interesting?" Erena asked.

Kotori shook her head, but the smile never left her face.

"Come on, let me see what has you smiling like that." Anju waved her hand, motioning for the taupe-haired girl to hand the device over. She did.

"These are all Haikus. Love Haikus!"

Ever since Valentine's Day, she had been receiving these short poems. They came at random; some within days, others after weeks, but Kotori knew she got at least four a month. They warmed her heart better than her thickest coat can and she had come to look forward to them.

"You're so lucky, Kotori-chan. Erena never does anything romantic for me anymore."

"Not true. I tell you I love you every day."

"No, you don't! You didn't even say it yesterday! And it doesn't count just now!"

Erena nodded, "This one doesn't count, of course, but I assure you I tell you this every night." Erena brought her cup to her lips. "I'm fluent in _body_ language and I'm quite sure you are too, Anju."

Kotori blushed.

"Erena!" Anju sputtered, "You're so sleeping on the couch tonight!"

* * *

It was December. Kotori was back in Japan for break. The gathering was on Christmas Eve this year. It was as lively as ever. The members going about their usual shenanigans was nostalgic.

By the time the countdown came, the loudest participants had quietened, having drunken themselves to sleep, and couples talked quietly among themselves. Seeing Honoka in Tsubasa's arms still hurt, but she loved seeing her happy.

She remembers the taste of the cheesecake she had an hour ago. Honoka didn't have to be the only one that was happy. Kotori can be happy too. She tugged at Umi's sleeve and pulled them into a secluded corner.

"Five!"

"Four!"

"Three!"

"Two!"

"One!"

"Merry Christmas!"

Kotori closed her eyes and pressed her lips against Umi's. She did not need her eyes opened to know that there fireworks were above them.

* * *

Her studies in France were going well. Her teacher saw the potential in her work and asked her to help out in a winter runway project. It would be showcasing its designs on Christmas Day.

"I'm sorry, Umi-chan. I won't be back to celebrate with you guys." She told her during one of her calls.

 _"I understand. This is a big opportunity for you. We can always celebrate next year."_

* * *

Kotori had hoped for a quiet Christmas Eve, but she knew that would not happen. There were still things to be done. The show tomorrow had to be perfect.

"Hey, Kotori."

The taupe-haired girl looked both ways before crossing the road. Her mind going through a mental checklist of items she still needed to get.

"Kotori, wait!"

The taupe-haired girl blinked. That was in Japanese. She turned around to see a redhead.

"Maki-chan?"

"Jeez, Kotori, I know you're busy with your project, but you could be a bit more aware of your surroundings." The girl breathed heavily.

"What are you doing here?"

"Family trip, but that's beside the point. I was told to give you this." A box was thrusted into her hands.

"What is-" Her phone buzzed. "Wait a minute." She answered the call. "Yes?"

 _"Kotori, where are you? I still need that crimson silk!"_

"I'm sorry, Miss, I'll be there in 15 minutes."

 _"Make it ten, darling, we're behind schedule."_ The line was cut.

"Sorry, Maki-chan, I have to go. Thanks for the present! Merry Christmas!" The taupe-haired girl dashed off without waiting for a response and made it back to the studio with all the items in record time.

The designers worked well into the night to make sure not a single thing was out of place. It was nearly midnight by the time they're finished.

"Gods! I'm so hungry! Anyone got something to eat?"

Kotori searched through her belongings to see if she had anything to give her fellow designer. Speaking of which, what was in that box that Maki gave her?

"Kotori, darling, great thinking! A cake to celebrate our hard work!" The item was taken out of her hand and split amongst them quickly.

"Mm! Delicious! Kotori, darling, you simply have to tell me where this cheesecake is from."

* * *

The project was a success and garnered high reviews from critics worldwide. Kotori kept feeling that she was on cloud nine for days. Her joy was not shared by Erena and Anju, who had just returned from their trip to Japan.

"Honoka-chan and Tsubasa-chan broke up." Anju told her.

"What? Why?"

"We don't know. Tsubasa didn't tell us." Erena brought an arm around Anju to bring her closer.

"I'm sorry."

"We are too."

* * *

Kotori clenched her phone with both hands. She had never called Honoka once when she was in France. It was her way of distancing herself from the pain. It wasn't quite successful, however, Honoka was always sending them photos of her dates through their group chat. So, Kotori would always be able to see it, sooner or later.

Now would be a good time to call her, right? Just to check up on her. It's what friends do.

Kotori steeled her nerves and pressed the call button. It was answered.

"Honoka-chan? It's Kotori."

They spoke for more than two hours.

* * *

Their calls became progressively longer until their phone bills became terrifyingly expensive and a cheaper method was needed: Skype. Being able to see Honoka was a bonus.

She asked Honoka about the breakup once. It was during the fifth time they skyped, if she remembered correctly. She hesitated to bring it up.

Honoka waved her off with a smile. _"It was a mutual breakup. No hard feelings. Tsubasa-chan and I are still friends."_

Kotori tried to prod at Honoka for more answers; no one still knew why they broke up, but her friend refused to elaborate and Kotori gave up after a few tries.

* * *

"Do you still get those short poems?"

Kotori shook her head.

The Haikus had come consistently throughout the years, but they no longer gave her the feeling she once had. Warmth.. Warmth was in speaking with Honoka through Skype.

Kotori blocked the contact.

"Too bad, I was hoping to teach this one how to properly woo a lady." Anju gave Erena a pointed look as she twirled her hair with a finger.

"Last time I checked, I'm a lady too. Why don't you woo me?"

"Smart mouth." Anju fumed, "Kotori-chan, let me finish my coffee and we'll go somewhere with more pleasant company."

Anju finished the contents with one big gulp and gasped. She looked at Erena, who was holding a ring between her fingers. Her other hand was holding her cup, which was raised to her lips, hiding what Anju pretty sure was a sly smile.

"You stupid, romantic idiot!"

Anju hit Erena in the shoulder before reaching out to take the ring, only to frown when it was taken out of her reach.

"You never answered the question."

Anju smoothly slipped herself into Erena's lap. A highly practiced motion, Kotori realized.

"Since you're so fluent in body language, Erena. How about this? I hit you twice for yes and once for no."

Erena raised an eyebrow, not sure where this was going, "Sure."

Anju hit her once. They waited for a few tense seconds. No second hit came. Erena looked at Anju worriedly.

"Anju..."

"The one before counted." She interrupted before Erena could speak any further.

Erena sighed in obvious relief and offered the ring to her now fiancée. "I deserved that, didn't I?"

"I'm glad you agree."

Kotori silently made her exit. The couple needed their time alone now. She could always give her congratulations later. Before she left, she had peered into the bottom of Anju's cup to confirm her thoughts.

 _Will you marry me?_

* * *

Kotori was able to go back to Japan to celebrate Christmas this year. Honoka was at the airport to welcome her back. With a kiss.

"I've liked you for a long time, Kotori, please go out with me."

"Yes. Yes!"

* * *

December 24th was a dream come true. Honoka took her out to a fancy restaurant for a date. Kotori coordinated their outfits so that they had matching necklaces. The meal was delightful. Kotori hadn't seen that much mouth-watering food all her life.

They spoke well into the night, taking their time to enjoy the food and drinks, but all good things must come to an end and soon enough Honoka was walking Kotori home.

"Hey, what's that at your door?"

Kotori looked towards where Honoka was pointing and saw a box. A familiar box.

"I need to make a call, Honoka-chan."

She quickly made a dialled a number she hadn't done for a long time.

"Where are you?"

 _"Taking a walk near my house."_

There was noise in the background.

 _"Hey, hey you! Yeah, you!"_

 _"Wait a minute, Kotori."_

 _"Yes?"_

 _"Did your girl enjoy the cake this year? We put in extra strawberries; a little something for a loyal returning customer."_

Kotori cut the line and ran.

It took her a bit to find that particular bakery. So, she was not surprised when Umi was not there by the time she reached it.

"The cobalt-haired girl that passed by a while earlier, which way did she go?"

"Towards the Christmas tree, I think."

Kotori head off with a quick thanks. She was grasping at straws by this point. By the time she got to the tree, Umi would be somewhere else. She tried calling her again but it wouldn't pick up.

Then, she heard it. Their duet. It could have been anyone's ringtone, but Kotori was definitely sure it was Umi's. She made her way in the direction she heard that song.

"Umi-chan!" She called as soon as she spotted cobalt hair.

The figure in the distance paused and Kotori was quick to close the distance between them.

"Hello, Kotori."

"You said you were taking a walk near home."

A shrug. "I thought a change of scenery would be nice."

"Did you wait outside my house long?"

"No."

It was a lie. Umi's hands were freezing. Kotori cupped them together and breathed into their joined hands, hoping that the warm air and rubbing motions would help.

"Five!"

"Four!"

"Three!"

"Two!"

"One!"

"Merry Christmas!"

Umi was so close. Her eyes fluttered shut. If she tilted her head, their lips would meet.

They didn't get the chance to.

"Kotori-chan! Where are you?"

Her eyes widened. _Honoka._

She felt something press against her temple briefly and a word was whispered in her ear.

"How could you?!"

Suddenly, Honoka was standing in front of her and Umi was in the floor holding her cheek. Fireworks were above them.

"I thought you knew better than that, Umi. Making advances on someone that's taken. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Umi lifted herself up and shrugged once more before turning away to leave.

 _Sayonara._

* * *

The gathering was on Christmas Day this year. They were one person short. That wasn't odd: Kotori herself had missed a gathering for good reason. Umi didn't give a reason.

Honoka decided to provide a reason by regaling them with a tale of the event that occurred the day before. The girls went on to argue who was right and who was wrong.

"I'm sure it's just a simple misunderstanding." Eri, ever the voice of reason. "We'll clear it up when we call her."

Umi didn't pick up.

The ones who didn't speak throughout it all were Erena, Anju, Nozomi and Maki. They kept glancing at her worriedly. Kotori did not dare look up to meet their eyes, instead her eyes were on her plate in front of her.

It wasn't strawberry cheesecake. Kotori knew she would never have that cheesecake again.


End file.
